"... the truth will set you free."

~ John, Chapter 8, Verse 32

Recently I've been giving much thought to the truth. Truth in what I say and do, the truth about my past and present so that I can move forward into the future, truth about what's going on in the world.

It's a scary concept, truth.

"The truth will set you free." I've been pondering this for a few weeks now, ever since Sassy Booties and I were discussing human nature, the nature of the discussion being the basis for this post.

It seems to me that the people who embrace the concept of the truth setting one free the most are attorneys, which of course is when it seems to be more of a theory rather than a practice. Examples: OJ Simpson, Al Capone, Casey Anthony... need I continue? We all know the truth, they did it, but due to mishandling of evidence, "solid" alibis, and who knows what else, these people walk free until their next mistake or the IRS catches up with them.

Yet the truth, if we embraced it as being part of human nature, would set so many of us free and for the right reasons. But it's a double-edged sword, isn't it?

Chances are, we already know the truthful answer to the question we're asking. Yes, those jeans make your ass look huge. No, that lipstick does not look good even if orange is the latest trend. Yeah, not going to lie, your kid is a bit spoiled. And no, I do not think your relationship with a married man is a good idea.

You're not looking for the truth when you ask those questions because you instinctively already know the answer. Rather, you're looking for validation.

Just like I instinctively already knew the answer when I questioned my relationship with Dipshit. It wasn't working. I knew that. That was the truth. I didn't want to face it but I knew it. Deep down. What I didn't know, and to some extent still don't know, is why it wasn't working.

And it's in those situations when the truth really would set a person free. Had I known Dipshit was cheating on me before we got married, I would have walked away thereby setting us both free. Had I known why Dipshit was cheating on me perhaps there was something we could have done differently.

Although I'm not so sure about that. I have not ever had, do not currently have, nor shall I ever in the future have a penis.

If perhaps Dipshit had told me my weight was an issue for him, I could have made more of an effort to lose it (to his credit, I have never believed my weight was an issue for Dipshit; others yes, Dipshit, no). Perhaps I could have been more of a freak in the sheets. Or more of a lady on the streets. If he felt my spending was out of control, I could have curtailed it. If he thought I'd be better looking as a brunette, I would have considered it. Why not? I've tried red before, why not brunette?

I'm not perfect, no one is. I know there were areas I could have improved upon. Yet how can someone improve something if they don't know what's wrong in the first place?

I went to the doctor's last month, and they expressed concern over my blood pressure. I immediately made a concious effort to limit my salt intake, cut back on caffeinated tea and a few other nominal changes. Within two weeks, my blood pressure dropped from 142/98 to 130/90.

See? All I have to know is what changes to make and I can make a concerted effort to try incorporating those changes into my life.

But you have to be honest.

And therein lies the rub. Who actually wants to say, "Hey, Mo, the reason you're having trouble finding a man? You're heavy, honey. And not just in the weight department, b ut in the sarcasm department as well."

Just like I don't want to say, "Hey Dipshit.... The reason you have failed relationships? It's because you're a gay narcissitic manipulative liar."

Actually, I do want to say that, not gonna lie.

Digression... your nickname is Mo.

Getting back on point.... Why are we all so hesitant to speak the truth?

I am by no means advocating that we all start telling the complete, unvarnished, raw truth. I'm not about to walk up to my sister and say, "Holy shit, look at that mess on top of your head. Red dreads? Were you high? And that skirt.... My God, did you buy that at Skanks R Us?"

Just for the record, Meagan doesn't have red hair or dreads and pretty much lives in old team t-shirts and sweats. Although if she were considering any of the above, at least she knows where I stand on the idea now.

But the question remains... is there some way to speak the truth? One would need tact, for certain. Integrity, compassion, mindfulness and, to a large extent, courage. Bravery even. As Dumbledore said at the end of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, "There are all kinds of courage.... It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

 

Yet if we knew there were no negative consequences to be had, how apt would we be to tell the truth? If being honest meant the possible difference between life and death, would we tell the truth? If we thought telling the truth would make a difference in a life choice that may hurt our loved one at first but may ultimately lead to a decision for the betterment in the long run, would it be worth it?

Would the truth be a worthwhile endeavor if it did indeed set us free?

 

Comments

[Jen]

My Mom and I have had this discussion many times. Why does it seem so hard to tell the truth and so easy to tell a lie when you would think it should be just the opposite? There are ways of telling the truth. For those you love most you're often afraid of hurting them but in the end the lie you tell hurts them more. Truth does set you free :)

[Wendy Robinson]

Really like this post. I struggle with this too. A LOT ! There are a few things that I would like to know the truth about but am afraid to ask. Guess I'm afraid of the answer and plus how will I know if the person I ask is really going to tell me the truth or just tell me what they think I want to hear. Also, if I share some truths will I ruin the friendship? Got to do some thinkin. Hmmm.

[Emilie Bodoin]

The House of Yes
Lesly: I don't think you're insane.
Jackie-O: You don't?
Lesly: No.
Jackie-O: You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane?
Lesly: I don't think you're insane. I think you're just spoiled.
Jackie-O: [exasperated] Oh please, if everyone around here is going to start telling the truth, I'm going to bed.
- The House of Yes, 1997 (Lesly - Tori Spelling, Jackie-O, Parker Posey)

[Emilie Bodoin]

Another great post about another great existential topic. Go Monique.

[Tressa]

Anotheveteran & well-written post, Mo.

My two cents on truth-telling: It takes trust on both the part of the teller and the receiver. We must have trust that our friends/partners/families will tell us the truth, and they must be able to trust that we will not shut down, blow up or reject them if the truth happens to be something we don't like. That doesnt mean we don't have a right to feel hurt or angry or betrayed, but we don't get to behave like an ass or a coward. (Obviously, I am not talking about abusive relationships here. In those cases, self-protection is tantamount to all.)

I really believe that when two people who genuinely care for each other speak their truths in loving and respectful ways that only good will come from the exchange. This is one of my core beliefs and I am constantly striving to do better at honoring it in all areas of my life. I can't say I always get it right, but I will keep trying!

[Tressa]

Ugh...that was supposed to say "another interesting" & well-written post, Mo! Damn autocorrect!

[Monique]

Tressa, when I saw your first post I was thinking, "Hmmmmm. Need to dig out the dictionary for that one." And then I saw the second post and just started laughing.

I'm in full agreement with you, though. We do need to be able to not only speak the truth but be receptive to it as well.