"No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor."

~ Betty Friedan

A few weeks ago, I posted on the MoLivinLarge Facebook page that I became an independent sales rep for Pure Romance; one of the few major reasons I was on hiatus as it turns out. I was busy watching training videos (absolutely fascinating as it turns out) and reading books related to my new biz (How To Be A Sex Goddess by Sarah Tomczak anyone?) amongst other things. But one of the things you're supposed to do as any direct sales person is introduce yourself and tell everyone why you became a representative of the respective product(s).

It goes without saying that anyone who goes into direct sales is looking for an income boost. Just as it can also be said that when you go to enough candle parties, cooking parties, "relationship enchancement" parties, whatever, you already know that whomever is selling the product is also looking to recruit you to sell it beside her. Which is why I made the promise to myself to never actively recruit during a demonstration (which I'm sure goes against the rules somewhat but really, we're all smart cookies here and if you're interested in selling the stuff, you'll ask).

So why did I decide to start rep'ing Pure Romance? Well, for a few reasons it turns out.

When I was considering which company to rep, I had narrowed it down to two; Pure Romance and something else. So I ran the idea by a favorite cousin of mine who said, "Pure Romance is awesome and you could definitely pull it off - you're not shy and people would feel comfortable around you - they would feel less judged...." Ironically, the next day I was chatting with another close friend about nothing in particular when suddenly at the end of the conversation she said, "By the way, I'm totally voting for Pure Romance." And then essentially paraphrased everything my cousin said about why she was casting a vote for Pure Romance.

I'm surrounded by amazing women, aren't I?

The truth, however, goes just a little deeper as to why I chose Pure Romance. It's not becasue I was completely amazed by the products; I actually had never been to a Pure Romance or any other "relationship enhancement product" party until the one I hosted. Yet I'm very familiar with bedroom accessories as it turns out. After all, my sex life as a married woman revolved around toys. Turns out, my ex (commonly referred to as Dipshit) was so busy screwing around with everyone else he had no time or desire to screw around with me.

Yes, it's true. My ability to have an orgasm the last three years of my relationship with Dipshit was dependent on toys.

I bought them everywhere. At an adult store on the Interstate, online, stores on the north side of Chicago, stores here in the Detroit suburbs.... If I found something that piqued my interest, I bought it.

Though I tried to use the products to spice up my marriage, sex with your husband is a two-way street. And Dipshit's car was up on blocks with a frozen engine at the red light. I think the worse night of my marriage was when I was in the middle of "self-love" (yes, that's what I call it) while he was sleeping. He woke up, asked what I was doing, and instead of asking if I needed help, he rolled over and went back to sleep. I just stopped, put the toy aside, and cried myself to sleep.

Looking back, I could honestly beat the livin' stuffin' out of myself for letting that relationship go beyond two years, let alone marrying him.

To sum up our married sex life, we had intercourse 23 times in the 16 months we were married. Including the honeymoon. As each session lasted an average of 10 minutes, in the 691,200 minutes we were married, 230 of those minutes were spent engaged in foreplay, intercourse, and afterglow. And how many of those sessions ended in a big "O"?

Nada. Nil. Zero. None.

I thought perhaps it was me. Maybe, like Samantha Jones, my "O" was broken.

About 14 months after Dipshit and I split up, I very happily realized that no, it wasn't me. It had definitely been him.

God bless Monkeyboy. I actually burst out laughing the first time my "O" returned at someone else's hands. Having been through a divorce himself, Monkeyboy just laughed and said, "Oh yeah. You just remembered how good sex can be, didn't you?"

Indeed.

After Monkeyboy and I parted ways that day (the relationship itself lasted about three glorious months until I moved back here to Michigan), I made a few promises to myself. First and foremost, if I'm involved in a sexual relationship, I'm sure as hell going to derive pleasure from it (which may or may not explain repeat ReTodded visits but not lately. Though honestly, I've considered it). Secondly, even if I'm not in a relationship, I'm going to still have "O's". And finally, I'm going to embrace my sensual, sexual side.

I forgot that last promise to myself until I was paging through an old planner several weeks ago.

Which brings me to another reason I wanted to rep Pure Romance.

As I begin reconnecting with my sensual side, I'd love to help other women in the same position connect with theirs. With enough participants, who knows? Maybe we can start a whole new (albeit different) sexual revolution!

Who cares what size you are, if you're single or married, straight or homosexual, how long your hair is, how white your smile is? Let's rediscover how great it is to just feel good about ourselves, even if it's just for twenty minutes a day. Because believe me, guys or gals like Monkeyboy aren't around every corner.

Who's with me?